The Unsinkable Maya Rose

If you were following on Facebook, you know what happened at nationals.  I did not disappear in the middle of my conFEISsions because Maya did not place.  My computer melted down and is now back!

But yea, Maya did not make the final cut after two rounds of fierce dancing. In Irish-dance-competition language, Maya did not recall and therefore, did not place.  We found out after the marks were handed out that she only missed a spot in the recall by four places.  She got very close and came in ahead of almost half of the competitors.

It started as a magical day.  There was no FEISitude (my word for a snappy attitude on a feis day)!  We got the wig and make up on without any tension, but that all changed once we got into the competition room.  Maya was distracted by friends and other dancers practicing and did not want to take care of the routine preparations like glueing her socks to her legs.  Yes, if you do not glue the socks on, they don’t stay up and look very sloppy.

There is a lot of waiting around at these bigger competitions but we settled in and got ready to find out what order the girls danced in.  Maya danced at about the middle of the rotation and she really did great.  These were all podium-winner dancers from all over North American and a couple from Britain and Ireland.  The judges would be hard pressed to find mistakes so the judging must have come down to very fine details.  Tough, tough competition.

We (Me, Maya, her teachers and friends) were shocked that she did not recall.  She had danced so well.  Maya was so gracious.  I learned from watching her.  She held it together until we were out of the huge ballroom and in a private corner near an exit.  She had a good sob and I just broke up inside, only letting a little mist cloud my eyes.  I wish I could answer her pleas to understand why she didn’t make the cut.

Sixty dollars and a Nationals souvenir hoodie/consolation prize later, we got on our way to have a swim and relax before heading back for the awards ceremony.  Maya was completely supportive of all her friends who had placed in their own competitions.  One of them qualified for Worlds. Understandably, she did not want to stay to see the awards for her competition.

The capper to a disappointing day was that I moved out us out of the luxury Swan and Dolphin hotel to Disney’s Pop Century to be on the meal plan and do all things Disney.  It was a major bummer to move from an imitation of the ‘heavenly bed’ to a motel-like one.  To make matters worse, Disney must be cutting back because our bedspreads, blankets, sheets and towels looked like they had been through the ringer.  Hairs and stains in the bed were where I drew the line. Maya was in a heap of tears which I knew were more about the whole day than the crappy room, but the disappointments had just grown to a head.

The next day, I politely requested all NEW blankets, sheets and bedspreads and no one blinked an eye. I know it was done because the old ones were in the hall when we got back.

A new day had also brought a new focus–FUN at Disney.  Maya did not mention the competition again.  She shook it off faster than I did, to tell the truth.  A few more gray hairs for me and a growth experience for Maya. Sigh.

It’s taken me a long time to acquiesce to blogging and social media.  Even though I speak and write about very personal topics and make a point to share the not-so-shiny sides of myself, I am a private person.  That may be hard to believe, but I really don’t like to share and publicize my every move, thought or desire.  I resent the voyeuristic side to our society that is into reality TV, My Space and You Tube. Not EVERYONE should be in ‘show’ business nor does everyone’s contribution to the public domain serve to uplift or improve the human condition.  Usually, it just shows us how far we still have to go as a species.

With that said, I have entered into the social media world and Facebook in particular is freaking me out.  I bounce back and forth between being glad to find so many lovely people who I’ve lost track of over the years and being uncomfortable with the nostalgia that it is kicking up.

Nostalgia by definition is a longing for the past and especially an idealized version of it.  As I connect with elementary school people, high school folks, college buddies, theatre-years cohorts and various and sundry other representatives of the chapters in my life, I find myself weepy.  Skipping through the pages of my past this way makes me fall deeply in love with everyone who has contacted me.  There is nothing but good memories, the troubles forgotten and made impotent by time.  I get weepy from being overwhelmed with gratitude for the people I have known and loved and for the journey that is my life so far.  I also feel sad.

My mother always told me that college should be the most care-free days of my life and I never listened because all I felt was the pressure of school.  Now, I can see how easy and fun those years were and the funky feeling is some regret.  If I’d known then how truly easy it was, I might have enjoyed it more! Facebook is putting my past in my face and making me see how I wasted a lot of time making life a chore instead of a fun ride.  Luckily, I married someone who has continued to teach me how to chill out.

The truth that Facebook is making me face is that I am longing for more fun.  I am starting by having a vino-break with the moms from the Irish Dance Studio tonight while the girls ‘Riverdance’ themselves silly. Any other suggestions? You can leave them on my Facebook wall!