Three straight weeks on vacation with my kids gives me such precious time to really be with them and learn who they are turning into it.  In so many ways it’s such a delight and yet there is still one glaring characteristic that screams out about them.  I know it’s a matter of age at this point, but navigating disappointment with them is often excruciating.  There is the requisite negotiation when they are told no about one thing or another but then there is the bigger version of dealing with disappointment, like today.

Here we are, in Vermont, on the final full day of our vacation, held hostage by driving rain that started last night and has only pretended that it was going to blow over.  We slept late and took our time with breakfast.  The kids found things to do to entertain themselves and we, the parents began to pack to make the best use of the time.  We had planned on spending the day at a local fair which would have meant rides, fair food and begrudgingly allowing ourselves to be ripped off by carnival games to my children’s great delight.  But, it rained and kept on raining.

We decided to investigate if the fair was ‘happening’ despite the mist (heavy at times) that persisted in the afternoon.  It was. Kind of.  The rides were not operating, but the food stands and game stands were open.  We bought the kids some fried dough and let the younger ones have a pony ride in the rain and yes, I let the kids play a couple of carnival games each.  The rain was not letting up so we declared it was time to go.

OK, get this picture.  A virtually empty fairground, kids with junky fair prizes in hand, bellies full standing in the rain each having their own version of a pretty major disappointment because we were not buying tickets to go on rides and stick around for a couple more hours!  The rides were not operating, the rain was coming down and we were the biggest party poopers around! Whhhaaat the heeeccckkkkk?!

I’ve almost become a broken-record repeating over and over “Look at what you did get, not what you didn’t get.” My kids ‘get it’ but don’t ‘get it’.  The statement doesn’t reinstate peace.

As with any parenting dilemma that frustrates me, I ask myself what I am projecting or what the situation is reflecting about me.  How do I deal with disappointments?

Today’s rain on our last big hurrah is a bummer but I don’t take it to heart.  It stinks but I am having a pleasant day and I’m not going to make it mean anything.  But I do know that when I suffer a BIG disappointment, I do take it very personally. I make it mean something negative about me and I do realize that when my children are very disappointed by something, I’ll find it hard to endure if I am unsuccessful in providing them comfort.  So, I get pissed that they’re disappointed because I can’t make it better and because I can’t help them get back to peace.

The solution?  Realize it’s not about ME and I can only do my best to support them through their disappointment. Can you relate?  Does other people’s behavior irritate you because it kicks up your own issues?  Just something to think about on a rainy day.

I am in Vermont on our annual vacation. You can either say: “She is not walking her talk, working on vacation!”  or you can say what is true for me: “She is SO inspired by being in nature that she HAS to create something so she might as well do it through writing!”  Cause, that’s it.  My feet are in the earth (literally) and my head is in the clouds (kind of figuratively–we are at a high elevation!)

Yesterday, we got a little lost in the woods and ended up trekking a very roundabout four and half miles with the entire family.  The kids were dubious of my husband’s ability to get us back to our car and frankly, I was too but I knew we’d eventually come out someplace safe before dark.  We were all exhausted by the time we found our way back, but upon seeing the lake and the opportunity to fish and swim, the kids’ energy was instantly restored.  Mine was a little slower to catch up, but I had a moment on a rock where joy overtook me.

My feet were not happy although I had been wearing the right footwear for a trek, but once I peeled off the shoes and socks, they got very happy when they touched the cool grass.  It wasn’t even nice grass, more like crabgrass and weeds, but just touching the earth directly as I stared out over a big lake with a clear view of the dam that created it—a massive man-made reminder of our tenacity to harness nature—I felt as happy as my feet and filled with wonder.

As I absorbed my ‘moment’ I looked at three healthy kids fishing with their dad.  That crew was MY family.  The family that my choices and love had created with the help of great luck, circumstances and fateful universal energy.  I felt powerful, but not in an ego-driven way.  I felt connected to the energy that creates life.

Being in nature all week with two more weeks to go almost scares me a bit as to what I’ll do when I get home.  I feel such creative surges while I am here that I can barely sleep at night because I have so many ideas swirling through my head.  I am not complaining, but WOW, I feel like I could blow the roof right off my suburban home if I don’t funnel this energy into something specific.  I know I will but I think I’ve finally assimilated something I’ve known intellectually for a really long time.

It’s not a bad idea to put our feet in the earth daily and yet how often I forget even when my office’s back door leads right out to the grass.  Feet in the earth; head in heavenly bliss.

Our Vacation Song

Every summer for the last eight, The Fortgangs have managed three to four weeks of vacation in Vermont.  It took us two years to clear our way to our first three week vacation but once we did, we’ve never missed one.  I’ve written about it in this blog and through my newsletter annually.  This year is no different.  We’re going on a trip and I’ve embedded our favorite song about getting ready to go. (Thanks to Noggin TV)

One aspect I haven’t written about yet is the bliss of three weeks in the mountains where there is no TV reception and only unreliable internet and phone service. I will admit that I get a little email withdrawl upon arrival and since I often get inspired to write when I’m there, I don’t stay offline the whole time.  However, my children fight 75% less at the Vermont house.  I think it’s a combination of the lack of electronics which at home makes them terribly territorial and the mountain air that seems to act like laughing gas, making everything way more fun.  They actually play with each other which is parent heaven.

Living without a TV has led to more game playing, jigsaw puzzle challenges and the art of scoping the dollar store for items that can be used for crafts.  It’s led to leisurely mornings playing music or talking and evenings where a good fire and s’mores tops anything you could watch on a screen.

Reading for fun is another lost art that returns every summer in Vermont.  And not just for the grown ups, either.  The kids acquiesce to doing some reading and annually remember that it can be as much fun as a show and is not just a dreaded task for a school assignment.

A sense of adventure and spontaneity re-emerges every summer too.  Every hike means we can create our own adventure show as we search for ground-crawling creatures and mushrooms that come in dozens of surprising shapes that don’t often make it to the supermarket.  Last year, we camped as a family for the first time. Oh, was that a crazy thrill for three suburban kids who are afraid of bugs.  You’d think we were on an Indiana Jones-type escapade the way they felt camping was an exotic and dangerous affair.  I had my air mattress.  I assure you we don’t rough it, really.

We don’t miss the Food Network when we are there, either.  We may not cook very fancy things but we do cook ‘hardy’ after mountain days.  Grilling meats, homemade salads and everything you can make with blueberries (since we often pick too many and have to eat them fast) are daily fare.  Making lunches for daily picnics is a production in itself.  Taking orders, working on sandwiches like a mini-production line and packing enough variety for every mood, palate and situation.

The glow from a TV is nothing compared to the glow of family togetherness that follows us home and usually lasts until the Christmas season.  I ask myself what you might be asking at this point.  Why don’t you just put more limits around TV at home?  With the exception of a rare few, I know you know why.

About eight weeks ago, I decided it was time for me to hire a new coach.  I did a lot of research into who I might hire next and I got sick of waiting for myself to make up my mind so I hired Anthony Robbins.  Well, not exactly.  I pulled out a set of his CD’s and coached myself with his voice reminding me of things I needed to focus on. He was a terrific help.

The tuneup led me to find a class that clarified some things I was working on and to partnering with a dear friend on some common business goals for which we now meet every two weeks to brainstorm.  I re-joined Weight Watchers to lose my 13 lbs. (again!) and purged my house and office from top to bottom.  And I launched one new program on one side of my business and am crafting another brand new product that I’ve never done before.  All of it has given me more energy, more to look forward to and has given me a big boost. In essence, it’s given me an “UPGRADE” mindset.

Everything is being upgraded and I’m not necessarily spending money to do it.  Getting rid of lots of stuff that I don’t need anymore or that I did not love in my office, wardrobe, business offerings, cadre of relationships (yes, that is OK to do) and commitments is an upgrade in itself.  By only having the great stuff left (without spending a dime) all is upgraded!

Having an ‘upgrade’ mindset can be a lot of fun.  It helps you push the envelope on what’s possible and stretch your capacity to receive good things.  It also puts you in the position to have to ask for what you want.  Personally, I get the inner giggles when I ask for what I want, fully expecting to get it, without ever needing to resort to bitchiness or rude behavior.

Before I started a series of trips last month, I had made the assumption that I would have to figure out how to get from place to place and rely on cabs to make all the appointments I had to keep. Just before I left, I had shifted to my upgrade mindset, and so once I got to the first hotel, I asked the concierge to help me make sense of all the stops I had to make. I ended up spending a fraction of what I had predicted because the hotel folks either escorted me themselves (in a limo no less) or they arranged for a paid car at a reasonable rate.  I went to every stop in style, with a driver I felt safe with and had an upgraded experience as well. You may think that’s my usual way to go, but on the road for a book tour, it is not always the case. (Book touring can be a very low-rent experience most of the time.)

This happens to be a particularly good time to adopt the ‘upgrade’ mindset.  At a time when most are pulling back afraid they can’t afford things, it is actually in your best interest to think the opposite. Businesses are eager to please because their numbers are down and each customer is more valuable. There are opportunities to be had, bargains to be found, and on the other hand, if you are the ‘product’, there are still people who are willing to pay for the best.  (That is, if YOU are the BEST and expect people to pay you accordingly)

Expect the best and BE the best.  That’s the UPGRADE mindset.

Note:  Still interviewing for my next coach