Originally broadcast, Saturday, November 7, 2009 in my newsletter, Living Wisely

A year ago, there was a prevalent spirit of hope and possibility as a fellow American broke through barriers and expectations to become the first black president of the United States. Now, that hope is tougher to come bye. (This is not meant to be a political commentary.) Change takes time and many people have faced tough circumstances in the last 12 months, so it’s been easy to lose faith. Soldiers at war, economic turmoil, personal savings shrunk or gone, jobs lost or in jeopardy, and the media, although claiming economic recovery has begun, also reminds us that we are a long way from personal recovery.

How was your year? Mine was far from tragic, but not one of the best fiscal years on record. Personally though, it was the year of the miracle as my youngest son’s 4-year seizure disorder, disappeared suddenly after a fever. That alone, makes any other worries pale in comparison. And that comparison is what I offer today as a way to usher out 2009 and clear the slate for the coming year.

My November newsletters usually focus on gratitude and this year is no different. However, the scope of gratitude has shifted to a larger, essential piece of living a prosperous life. There is always the effective energy shift that occurs upon listing all the things you can be grateful for, so by all means, make that list, but this year, I challenge you to be grateful for two things you may not have considered to be grateful for.

The first one is this past year. Some of you may obviously be grateful for jobs and opportunities that so many others did not have access to this year, but maybe you had some losses this year too. Dig deep and see if you can find gratitude for the worst things that came upon you this year. For example, someone I worked with this year had a devastating diagnosis and grueling treatment and yet she also declared that the tragedy brought a deeper bond with her husband and family and a stronger sense of purpose as she moves forward to assist others who have had to face what she went through. There is gratitude for the strange teacher her cancer was and her ability to thrive was multiplied.

What have you learned through your toughest challenge this year?
What skills have you developed because of it?
What internal and external resources did you learn you had?
What about the circumstance, springs up gratitude in you?

The second aspect of gratitude that I’d like to add this year is allowing gratitude to be your red carpet to new results. Be grateful not only for all you have but also for all that is to come. Give thanks for things coming to you the way you WANT them to be.

This sounds like a bit of magical thinking. So what if it is? It took magical thinking for President Obama to run for the office and produce an unprecedented win! Spending our time in worry and ingesting fear through the media helps our logical mind reason us into a paralysis and the extinction of possibility and opportunity. Spending our mental energy and time on being grateful for the good we want to create for ourselves will be much more productive. That doesn’t mean you would be in denial, but it would mean that you are going to extremes to avoid catching the despair that many are feeling. People go to extremes to get flu shots(even two this year to cover H1N1)so that they don’t catch the bug but when it comes to our success we are willing to be infected with the fear-strain of the day because it seems like denial not to. That’s absurd!

Just this week, I was leading my new teleseminar, Doing Business Buddha’s Way and we were covering ‘Right Speech’ (one step in the Buddhist Eight-Fold Path) stressing the importance of watching what we say about our businesses. We were exploring using only words that spoke of the good we are creating through our business and the creative plans we had for building them. (Your word is the harbinger to what you’ll create.) The class had just been assigned to avoid any negative talk of their finances, business being down, or the economic forecasts,when one of the students shared passionately about nothing changing if credit and loans were not given to business owners and a picture of long-term gloom and doom was painted for us all with what seemed liked biting accuracy. The virus had been let loose in the room, so to speak. We could all give in and catch it or we could ratchet up our immune system and keep feeding ourselves properly, take extra vitamins, and get extra rest. In business, that means still making plans, visioning what is possible and acting accordingly. Could we still catch the virus? It’s out there so sure we could, but our chances are much lower when we operate as healthy, whole and complete.

Using GRATITUDE as your usher into the new year will do just that. You’ll be operating from ‘healthy, whole and complete’ versus from lack, fear and justification for failure. Who would you want to do business with? Who would you want to go out on a date with?! Someone ‘healthy, whole and complete’ or someone full of worry, anxiety, lack and excuses? Which one is more attractive? Which one will get you the results you want?

If you want success despite the odds, prosperity, satisfaction and fulfillment, ride on the ‘magic carpet’ of gratitude. Give thanks this Thanksgiving for all you have and all that is coming your way. “Gratitude is the vibration and feeling that is in harmony with prosperity”.*

I am grateful for your continued readership and solidarity.

* Mary Manin Morrissey

Sometimes, success is just about showing up and doing your best.  Sometimes, it’s also about doing something illogical that seems right at the time.

I follow Seth Rudetsky on Facebook because he is endlessly entertaining and reminds me of my theatre days.  I read his article on Playbill.com today and the following story inspired me.

I also got to interview Amanda McBroom who wrote the beautiful song, “The Rose.” Turns out, the way the song came to be is bizarre. Amanda was a singing actress when she wrote the song, and not a songwriter. She was driving home and heard a Leo Sayer song on the radio (so ’70s) about love. She thought, “That’s how he sees love, but not me.” She began to think about the many different views of love and the song just came to her. She went into her house and wrote it all down. I asked her about the signature vamp at the beginning (the two notes making an open fifth) and she said she did that because she’s not a very good pianist and it was easy for her to play just two notes! That night, she played “The Rose” for her husband and he asked, “Do you know what you just did? You just wrote a classic.” She played it for some more friends and that was that. Well, turns out, one of her friends worked in the film business and played the song for a film executive who was trying to get a theme song for the Bette Midler film based on Janis Joplin. The crazy part is, Janis Joplin was known as “The Pearl” but the film couldn’t get the rights to that name so they changed it to… “The Rose”! And Amanda’s song, purely by accident, happened to be named “The Rose.” How crazy is that!?!?! Turns out, the film executive didn’t like the song, but Bette Midler did and it became a world-wide hit. But, because it wasn’t written expressly for the film, it wasn’t nominated for an Oscar. But, Amanda told us, it did pay for some major renovations for her house so it’s all good!

Amazing, right?  It reminds me of how I got my first book deal.  I was the 22nd coach to call a reporter from Money Magazine back in 1996 by her request to talk about the NEW, emerging profession of personal coaching.  She did not need to interview me by the time I had reached her but I recommended that she speak to a client of mine who got great results to round out her story from the ‘buyer’s’ perspective.  She did.  My client was told that they would be back in touch with her to schedule a photo shoot. By the time they had contacted her, the story had changed hands and the new reporter was trying to make sense of the story she had inherited. My client kept raving about her coaching experience where she had gone from making $50K a year to $500K  year in 18 months. The story ended up being a feature about she and I—ONLY. That feature launched my coaching company with 350 callers on a waiting list and began my writing career.  Two of those callers were publishers who bid each other out to get my debut tome.

In a time when so many people are trying very hard to create results in their lives and businesses, it’s a good time to be reminded that sometimes it’s not about effort at all.  Just do your best, the unexpected, the generous, the nutty and have a great time doing it.

Originally broadcast today, in Laura’s newsletter: “Living Wisely”

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PURE POSSIBILITY

Masterful coaches live ‘in the land of possibility’. What that means is to coach you successfully, I cannot live in your fear, doubts, worry or story about how you perceive your circumstances. I have to stand outside of that miasma in the land of possibility and put a stake in the ground that symbolizes your ability to move towards what will make you happy. Does that mean I’m an idealist? Yes. But I am also a realist which is why I can build trust. I know that standing in possibility can sound like a pie-in-the-sky fantasy so I temper it with reality. However, what is ‘real’ is brought into question at every turn.

As a recovering worrier myself, I have learned to question what feels real and pick it apart until I am released from the grip of fear. It’s been a life-long journey and each plateau is followed by new understanding. Recently, I was in quiet reflection considering what it would be like to live in PURE POSSIBILITY. Without tempering it with reality, without visiting the worse case scenario, what would that be like? Could I live in the land of possibility for myself more often? Could you?

Allowing yourself to really believe—at the cost of getting hurt, failing, being wrong, looking like a fool—-that would be the state of pure possibility. Understanding that failure is just as much a part of success as anything else also accounts for pure possibility. When I see a tree fallen over in the woods, I don’t think the tree failed, I just perceive its life years to now be replaced by a new function as trail marker or resting stop or obstacle. It is part of the natural order as are our missteps. In the space of pure possibility, that misstep may be exactly what leads us to our greatest joy or accomplishment. Haven’t you heard people say: “If I had not been fired from that job, I would have never met my wife and had these great kids” or whatever x led to your y or z.

This is less about positive thinking and more about non-judgment. Pure possibility is avoiding getting hung up on what happens being good or bad because ultimately, we don’t really know. What seemed good could turn bad and visa versa. I suppose that leads to the question then of ‘Why bother?’. If things are neither good nor bad, then why bother trying to put yourself in a mindset of pure possibility? If it’s not going to guarantee the result we desire, then why try being in that state?

I can confidently say for myself and hundreds of clients over the years, that it feels so much better than the alternative. Often that feeling alone can determine outcome. Are you more likely to do the things you have to do to improve your life, your health, your relationships, or your work prospects when you are worried or when you are inspired? Better fuel equals an easier ride and most likely, better results.

Let’s explore some human scenarios that rely on pure possibility. Let’s take marriage for example. Long-lasting marriages rely on pure possibility  Both partners truly believe that no matter what it is possible to be married for a lifetime. That’s the ‘ruling idea’ of their relationship.

Think of beginner’s luck. When you don’t know any better, you live in the possibility of things going your way and often, they do. I can attest to that one with my first book. I was discovered and asked to write a book. I missed the whole self-education part about what it takes to publish a book. Thank goodness! My naivite put me in ‘possibility’ and I am so grateful because doing it the second, third and fourth time were so much harder and I may not have ever done the first one if I’d known so.

Even today’s job market requires pure possibility. This one is a challenge, I know. If you listen to the media, you do not have a shot at becoming employed. In the ‘land of possibility’ you do but it may not come in the form you thought it would. Pure possibility also means being open to new options. Remember, no judgment.

People who really believe achieve incredible things. What do you need to do to shift into pure possibility? Can it be an overall way of being for you? OR can you choose one area of your life to try it with?

There is still plenty of real estate in the ‘land of possibility’. And no swamps, I promise.

About eight weeks ago, I decided it was time for me to hire a new coach.  I did a lot of research into who I might hire next and I got sick of waiting for myself to make up my mind so I hired Anthony Robbins.  Well, not exactly.  I pulled out a set of his CD’s and coached myself with his voice reminding me of things I needed to focus on. He was a terrific help.

The tuneup led me to find a class that clarified some things I was working on and to partnering with a dear friend on some common business goals for which we now meet every two weeks to brainstorm.  I re-joined Weight Watchers to lose my 13 lbs. (again!) and purged my house and office from top to bottom.  And I launched one new program on one side of my business and am crafting another brand new product that I’ve never done before.  All of it has given me more energy, more to look forward to and has given me a big boost. In essence, it’s given me an “UPGRADE” mindset.

Everything is being upgraded and I’m not necessarily spending money to do it.  Getting rid of lots of stuff that I don’t need anymore or that I did not love in my office, wardrobe, business offerings, cadre of relationships (yes, that is OK to do) and commitments is an upgrade in itself.  By only having the great stuff left (without spending a dime) all is upgraded!

Having an ‘upgrade’ mindset can be a lot of fun.  It helps you push the envelope on what’s possible and stretch your capacity to receive good things.  It also puts you in the position to have to ask for what you want.  Personally, I get the inner giggles when I ask for what I want, fully expecting to get it, without ever needing to resort to bitchiness or rude behavior.

Before I started a series of trips last month, I had made the assumption that I would have to figure out how to get from place to place and rely on cabs to make all the appointments I had to keep. Just before I left, I had shifted to my upgrade mindset, and so once I got to the first hotel, I asked the concierge to help me make sense of all the stops I had to make. I ended up spending a fraction of what I had predicted because the hotel folks either escorted me themselves (in a limo no less) or they arranged for a paid car at a reasonable rate.  I went to every stop in style, with a driver I felt safe with and had an upgraded experience as well. You may think that’s my usual way to go, but on the road for a book tour, it is not always the case. (Book touring can be a very low-rent experience most of the time.)

This happens to be a particularly good time to adopt the ‘upgrade’ mindset.  At a time when most are pulling back afraid they can’t afford things, it is actually in your best interest to think the opposite. Businesses are eager to please because their numbers are down and each customer is more valuable. There are opportunities to be had, bargains to be found, and on the other hand, if you are the ‘product’, there are still people who are willing to pay for the best.  (That is, if YOU are the BEST and expect people to pay you accordingly)

Expect the best and BE the best.  That’s the UPGRADE mindset.

Note:  Still interviewing for my next coach

This article is also today’s Living Wisely Newsletter offering http://www.laurabermanfortgang.com/newsletter.html

As our president works to implement a plan to create jobs by investing in the country’s infrastructure (roads, bridges, schools and buildings) so could we stand to look to our own infrastructure. During my coach training many moons ago, we used the term ‘Personal Foundation’ for this concept. Before embarking on going for what we want, we are well served to strengthen our foundation (infrastructure) under us. Relationships, immediate environment, money, and physical health could all stand to have a tune up before heading out on the journey.

With most people stressing over a big loss in their financial infrastructure, attention to all the other areas have been ignored. It’s understandable, however, one of the best ways to prepare to endure the economic uncertainties we face is to strengthen the foundation under the other areas. Taking care to communicate honestly in relationships, cleaning up your immediate environment and tending to your physical health could all go a long way to getting through this time and being in great shape to run with the ball when things improve.

Here’s an example from my own life. Readers of this newsletter or my blog know that I have been complaining about my back for months. I have an annual bout of severe back pain but this time, it has not relented since August 2008. After X-rays, MRI’s and multiple physical therapy sessions, I still had little relief or an answer as to the cause. Just as I was desperate enough to begin the process of allowing cortisone injections to be shot into my spine, I spent three nights in a hotel and noticed that my back felt pretty good. On the fourth night, I was at home, in my own bed and the pain was excruciating. Eureka! My mattress needed to be replaced! I had thought of this before but who wanted a major expense right now? Well, as luck would have it, the money showed up unexpectedly and I invested in the best mattress I could buy. Would you know that in one week, I was exponentially better? And now, three weeks later I am 90% pain free which is a HUGE improvement. I was doing other things to take care of myself, but the investment in my infrastructure is what made the difference that will make working and living so much easier moving forward.

Whether it’s something in your small business or your home or in your family life or primary relationship, now is the time to nip a problem in the bud and invest in the long term. I know it may seem counterintuitive especially on things that may cost money, but where possible, investing in infrastructure will go a long way to avoiding a crisis later on. Remember that bridge that fell in Minnesota (August 2007) on a normal or even light traffic day? That is what awaits when we don’t take care of infrastructure because we don’t think it’s that important in the short term. In that case it was support gussets put in in 1967 that no one bothered to improve on as they added weight to the bridge with paving and other short-term maintenance.

Where do you need to rebuild? Where do you need to simplify to be able to manage life better? Where could you stand to put support in place as if you were about to whether a storm? Make the investment in your infrastructure and watch the ‘ride’ smooth out even in these uncertain times.