Less than a decade ago freedom meant leaving my infant with my husband and going to the grocery store alone.  Shortly thereafter, I came to the abrupt understanding that freedom was the privilege of my whole life. I have the freedom to come and go, to choose my work, to choose where I live and whom I hang out with, and to express myself freely.  Too young at the time to have grasped Vietnam (or its preceding wars), I never understood the sacrifice that is made daily by brave people so I can take my freedom for granted.  I grasp it now and am sobered by it.

I don’t mean to write a patriotic tribute here, but I am inspired by what freedom means.  As I was riding my new bicycle last Friday enjoying a cool breeze and an endorphin high, I realized that what I was relishing in that moment was freedom.  I was moving faster than my own body could have taken me and I had the physical space that made me feel unencumbered.  I did not have to be anywhere at that particular moment and I could choose where I wanted to go as the road came upon me.  It was a transcendent feeling.  I wonder how else we can create freedom in our lives.

How can we create more time and space for ourselves?

How can we create financial freedom? Not necessarily a millionaire’s trust but the freedom to stop sweating one’s finances.

How can we create more room for opportunity?

Once again, I am privileged to even be able to ask the questions.  We have a choice and that is the ultimate freedom.  The question then, is what do we choose? Do we choose to suffer?  Do we choose to stay in situations that do not serve us? Do we choose to do nothing and assume we do not have the power to change something?

It really does come down to a choice. The choice to live and keep on growing or the choice to shrivel up and die in spirit.

What is freedom?  In a society where we are not at the mercy of militant leaders, freedom is a state of mind.  It’s declaring yourself free of the mental decisions and frameworks that dictate your limits.  It is purposely creating a choice between that which opens you to opportunity and that, which closes you off from any shot at it.  It’s the choice to persevere despite any odds against you.

What will you transcend?  What will you release?  What will tell you,  you are free?

The first post of the new year and it’s inspired by speaking on Jennifer Louden’s Comfort Cafe on Sunday morning.

Statistics tell us that 23% of us will give up on our New Year’s resolutions by the end of this week and 45% by the end of the month.  It’s a sad truth and it’s fueled by the unrealistic expectation that change is instant and that goals come with immediate rewards.  How I wish that was true!  But, it’s not.  So, to really create lasting change, we need to nourish our dreams for this new year.  Just as we have to nourish a garden to see the harvest or nourish a child for years before we see the adult outcome of their upbringing, dreams need your care.  Here are three areas to focus your care on.

TAKE CARE OF: Your “Reckoning*”

By “reckoning”, I mean your thinking.  Wrestling with your own monkey mind is half the battle of nourishing your dreams. Your thoughts need to be watering your garden, not singeing it with poisonous gases!

The bottom-line tool that I use myself for keeping my mind at a high-energy level of thought is something I learned from studying A Course in Miracles years ago.   In a nutshell, the course says there are only two thoughts, FEAR or LOVE.  We are either thinking thoughts based in fear or thoughts based in love.  ” I am not good enough.” “I’ll never make that kind of money.” “I can’t because of the economy.” “What if I fail?” “Why bother? it never works anyway.” Those, would be fear-based thoughts.

Love-based thoughts sound like:  ” I know I’m worth it.” “The times may be bad, but I can beat the odds.” “I know what I have to offer.” “I am willing to succeed.”

The hardest part is when you are working hard to change your mind and you still do not see better results.  Carl Sagan once said:”The absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.” What that means is that just because you do not see evidence that your new mindset is working, it does not necessarily mean that it is, indeed, not at work on creating a result you haven’t seen yet.  Ooo. That is hard to grasp and even harder to accept but I can attest to it.

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know that one of my children endured a seizure disorder that latest four years. In the two years before it stopped, my son’s symptoms were getting worse and worse and every new strategy we tried through medication, diet, alternative remedies, bodywork, only seemed to help marginally at first and then not at all.  At times, I felt hopeless.  I lost many nights of sleep wondering what his life would be like and if we would ever find something that could help him. In the absence of evidence, I saw no way out.  Now that we are almost a year away from our last seizure (HALLELUJAH!), I can attest to “the absence of evidence” not being the ‘evidence of absence’.  In retrospect, I truly believe that everything we did to help him did aide in ending his seizures.  We did not have logical evidence immediately, but I think that just because we did not see immediate results, did not mean that what we did was not having a positive effect.  And even though I suffered along the way, I never gave up. I fed the dream of my son being seizure free everyday. He and I even chanted “I am seizure-free” every night before he went to sleep and any time he had to undergo a procedure, we did the chant (and the dance that goes with it)

Nourishing our dreams requires the same care, even in the absence of evidence.  (In the name of transparency, I am working on this myself!)

TAKE CARE OF:  Your DOING

To nourish our dreams we have to take action towards them.  That’s obvious.  Less obvious, though may be what kind of action to take. What kind of action are you taking?  Are you busy all the time?  Crossing things off your list and being efficient?  Maybe so, but are you being effective? Is anything happening because of the action you are taking?   Closing sales, marketing by doing the scary stuff like talking to people (instead of avoidance techniques like sending a flyer) or bypassing your comfort zone to approach someone who can make a difference to your career,  are all examples of effective action.  Nourishing your dreams means taking action that matters, not just looking busy.

Also important to taking meaningful action is understanding what is motivating you.  Sometimes, we are not even aware of what drives us.  If it is a healthy drive, we will feel inspired and stay buoyed.  If it’s a less healthy driver or motivator, it may be keeping you from what you most want and you don’t even know it.  For example, being motivated by not wanting to be like your mother or to overcome your upbringing or prove that teacher who never believed in you  was a fool, may all work for us for a while, but at some point, we will outgrow these motivators and find ourselves wondering why we’ve lost our mojo.  If you are struggling and easily discouraged, check inside to what is making you go after that dream in the first place.  Do you like what is motivating you?  If it feels good, keep it. If it doesn’t choose a new motivation.  One that fires you up will keep your dreams, thoughts and actions burning brighter.

TAKE CARE OF: YOUR BEING

You inner being, your spirit, needs to be in alignment with everything else going on above your neck.  What you are thinking and then respectively, doing, needs to be aligned with your innermost rhythm in order to truly nourish what you are creating.  That means honoring your intuition and the deepest truth about what you want and feel.  Are you respecting the inklings that are seeking expression or are  you a split personality? —-Wanting one thing but doing another because it makes more worldly sense?  Is there a difference between what you truly want and what you really expect?

The most earthly way I know to ground your inner life in the possibility that you want your outer life to reflect is to align with Gratitude.  If you can embrace it and be grateful for all you have, even if it’s not perfect right now, it will be like greasing the palm of the universe when it comes to getting results.  As I’ve learned from one of my mentors, the energy that is manifest while being in harmony with the universe through gratitude makes you connected to all things—–a modern day mystic—-which allows you the understanding of the power you have to be a creator in your own life.

Nourishing your dreams take great awareness and care.  You deserve that level of care. So do your dreams. So do all of us waiting to receive what you have to share.

Make it a great 2010.

*The Reckoning, The Doing, The Being are concepts from “Living Your Best Life” by yours truly.

For the latest ways I offer to support your dreams: http://www.laurabermanfortgang.com

Hannukah is here and it was much anticipated by the kids, as usual.  The first night was warm and fun and the dash of maturity that another year brought my kids went a long way to make it more meaningful.  Our annual ritual will go into effect tonight and it will be an exciting eight days of rushing through dinner to get to the candle lighting and present opening.

However, this year, which was challenging for a lot of people, combined with being asked to prepare a sermon last Sunday for Sacred Center NY, had me contemplating the holiday more deeply.  Hannukah, Christmas and Kwanzaa all have a focus on lights or candles this time of year.  The lights symbolize different things in each tradition, and in Judaism in particular, the Hannukah lights represent the eight days that the oil burned in the temple when there was only enough oil for one night.  That is the miracle of Hannukah. The Jews had just won a battle that destroyed their temple and there was only one night’s worth of oil to burn.  The eight candles on a Menorah represent the eight-day miracle.  So that begs the question:

“Why are there nine candles in a Menorah?”

Ah, yes.  The ninth candle.  That candle is called the Shamash candle. Shamash in Hebrew means attendant or servant.  The Shamash is the servant to the other lights. The menorah can only be lit by the Shamash. It is not OK to light the other lights with any other candle other than the 9th one.  As the attendant to the light, the Shamash is responsible for lighting all the others.

Each of us is a light.  We have the choice as to whether we live from that lit-up place or ignore our light.  During the holiday season, most people feel their light more acutely. It’s a time of giving, sharing, remembering those less fortunate and wishing strangers on the street a good holiday.  What I suggest this year is that not only are we all ‘lights’ but we are also Shamash. We are both light and the servant to the light because in every moment we have the choice to light other lights as we go about our day.  Hold that image for a moment.

If you were the attendant of other lights, is there anything you would change?

I am the servant to the light in my children, my spouse, my family, my clients, by neighbors and I’ve chosen it as my work.  Do I succeed all the time? God, no!  But I am reminded as we light the menorah every night of the power we have to celebrate the light—the light in every single being.

Originally broadcast today, in Laura’s newsletter: “Living Wisely”

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PURE POSSIBILITY

Masterful coaches live ‘in the land of possibility’. What that means is to coach you successfully, I cannot live in your fear, doubts, worry or story about how you perceive your circumstances. I have to stand outside of that miasma in the land of possibility and put a stake in the ground that symbolizes your ability to move towards what will make you happy. Does that mean I’m an idealist? Yes. But I am also a realist which is why I can build trust. I know that standing in possibility can sound like a pie-in-the-sky fantasy so I temper it with reality. However, what is ‘real’ is brought into question at every turn.

As a recovering worrier myself, I have learned to question what feels real and pick it apart until I am released from the grip of fear. It’s been a life-long journey and each plateau is followed by new understanding. Recently, I was in quiet reflection considering what it would be like to live in PURE POSSIBILITY. Without tempering it with reality, without visiting the worse case scenario, what would that be like? Could I live in the land of possibility for myself more often? Could you?

Allowing yourself to really believe—at the cost of getting hurt, failing, being wrong, looking like a fool—-that would be the state of pure possibility. Understanding that failure is just as much a part of success as anything else also accounts for pure possibility. When I see a tree fallen over in the woods, I don’t think the tree failed, I just perceive its life years to now be replaced by a new function as trail marker or resting stop or obstacle. It is part of the natural order as are our missteps. In the space of pure possibility, that misstep may be exactly what leads us to our greatest joy or accomplishment. Haven’t you heard people say: “If I had not been fired from that job, I would have never met my wife and had these great kids” or whatever x led to your y or z.

This is less about positive thinking and more about non-judgment. Pure possibility is avoiding getting hung up on what happens being good or bad because ultimately, we don’t really know. What seemed good could turn bad and visa versa. I suppose that leads to the question then of ‘Why bother?’. If things are neither good nor bad, then why bother trying to put yourself in a mindset of pure possibility? If it’s not going to guarantee the result we desire, then why try being in that state?

I can confidently say for myself and hundreds of clients over the years, that it feels so much better than the alternative. Often that feeling alone can determine outcome. Are you more likely to do the things you have to do to improve your life, your health, your relationships, or your work prospects when you are worried or when you are inspired? Better fuel equals an easier ride and most likely, better results.

Let’s explore some human scenarios that rely on pure possibility. Let’s take marriage for example. Long-lasting marriages rely on pure possibility  Both partners truly believe that no matter what it is possible to be married for a lifetime. That’s the ‘ruling idea’ of their relationship.

Think of beginner’s luck. When you don’t know any better, you live in the possibility of things going your way and often, they do. I can attest to that one with my first book. I was discovered and asked to write a book. I missed the whole self-education part about what it takes to publish a book. Thank goodness! My naivite put me in ‘possibility’ and I am so grateful because doing it the second, third and fourth time were so much harder and I may not have ever done the first one if I’d known so.

Even today’s job market requires pure possibility. This one is a challenge, I know. If you listen to the media, you do not have a shot at becoming employed. In the ‘land of possibility’ you do but it may not come in the form you thought it would. Pure possibility also means being open to new options. Remember, no judgment.

People who really believe achieve incredible things. What do you need to do to shift into pure possibility? Can it be an overall way of being for you? OR can you choose one area of your life to try it with?

There is still plenty of real estate in the ‘land of possibility’. And no swamps, I promise.

I am in Vermont on our annual vacation. You can either say: “She is not walking her talk, working on vacation!”  or you can say what is true for me: “She is SO inspired by being in nature that she HAS to create something so she might as well do it through writing!”  Cause, that’s it.  My feet are in the earth (literally) and my head is in the clouds (kind of figuratively–we are at a high elevation!)

Yesterday, we got a little lost in the woods and ended up trekking a very roundabout four and half miles with the entire family.  The kids were dubious of my husband’s ability to get us back to our car and frankly, I was too but I knew we’d eventually come out someplace safe before dark.  We were all exhausted by the time we found our way back, but upon seeing the lake and the opportunity to fish and swim, the kids’ energy was instantly restored.  Mine was a little slower to catch up, but I had a moment on a rock where joy overtook me.

My feet were not happy although I had been wearing the right footwear for a trek, but once I peeled off the shoes and socks, they got very happy when they touched the cool grass.  It wasn’t even nice grass, more like crabgrass and weeds, but just touching the earth directly as I stared out over a big lake with a clear view of the dam that created it—a massive man-made reminder of our tenacity to harness nature—I felt as happy as my feet and filled with wonder.

As I absorbed my ‘moment’ I looked at three healthy kids fishing with their dad.  That crew was MY family.  The family that my choices and love had created with the help of great luck, circumstances and fateful universal energy.  I felt powerful, but not in an ego-driven way.  I felt connected to the energy that creates life.

Being in nature all week with two more weeks to go almost scares me a bit as to what I’ll do when I get home.  I feel such creative surges while I am here that I can barely sleep at night because I have so many ideas swirling through my head.  I am not complaining, but WOW, I feel like I could blow the roof right off my suburban home if I don’t funnel this energy into something specific.  I know I will but I think I’ve finally assimilated something I’ve known intellectually for a really long time.

It’s not a bad idea to put our feet in the earth daily and yet how often I forget even when my office’s back door leads right out to the grass.  Feet in the earth; head in heavenly bliss.