Lessons From The Dark

by lbfcoach on November 1, 2011

Today was the fourth day of an almost townwide blackout.  This morning, I sat down to glean some lessons from the dark.

Lesson #1 It could be so much worse

We can light the stove top.  We can still use the  bathrooms.  We can leave in our car and find a place to eat, kill time, or warm up.

It’s not Haiti, it’s not Joplin, MO, it’s not rural Japan nor is it a war zone.

Lesson #2 I watch too much TV

I love TV.  Not the crud on it as much as the insight it is into people, our culture, and the pulse of humanity at different times in history. Then, there’s the Food Network, which is about none of that.

It is my top fave because it somehow makes me think I can absorb great culinary acumen through osmosis.

I see now I can be doing other things with that time.  (I knew that!)

Lesson #3  I only need four of my 12 rooms

Bathroom, kitchen, living room (fireplace), bedroom—That’s all we are using as we put the family in one bedroom to avoid freezing.  I now understand the need for a hearth.  If we had one, we could get rid of the wall between the living room and kitchen and be using only three rooms!

Lesson #4 Pioneer/Colonial people are heroes

Since I would never give up indoor plumbing, even to have a hearth, I now pronounce those early Americans as my heroes.  How did those people do it? Finding/growing food, cooking it, sleeping on hay beds (or worse), rarely bathing, going to bed when there was no more light or otherwise reading by candlelight, and playing instruments to create their own entertainment.

On the uglier side, I can see where gambling, prostitution, and brewing liquor all came from. There were no life coaches and they had nothing to do after working all day!!!

Lesson #5  Matches are a girl’s best friend

I don’t smoke.  I never carry matches.  But, I do keep them in my house and I collect them from restaurants. YAY!!

Obviously, they light candles and stove tops but they also serve as powerful reminders of the significance of fire. Light, warmth, the ability to transform raw to cooked and also, the power to destroy.

Not being able to sleep well the other night, I could not resort to my usual TV viewing or internet to peruse, so I read the newspaper by candlelight.  I felt like Abe Lincoln.  I was painfully aware of how easily the corner of the paper could catch on fire if I got it too close to my light source.

Also, yesterday, my little son threw something into the fireplace that older son thought should not go in there. Older son grabs it out quickly, not realizing it had caught fire, and put it on the living room rug.  Luckily, I was there and did see it so it was stomped out fast, but GEEEEZZZZ, imagine!

So, yes, I love matches. And have a new-found respect for fire.

Lesson #6 Laughter is a great antidote to boredom

As the day grew dark yesterday, little son and I cuddled on the couch with a blanket in front of the fire to get warm.  We intended to nap.   However, sleep did not come, but laughter did.  Little son sang a line from a song I wrote for the upcoming Lurlene show and it struck me as so funny that he even recalled it.  We were in stitches howling and crying with laughter for what must have been five minutes. Revisiting the moment later brought up another fit of giggles and then another and another.  Oh it feels so good to just laugh sometimes!

Lesson #7 Solitary confinement could work for me

As I sat in the dark this morning before my family awoke (part of my usual routine), I did not have the benefit of ambient light and it made me think about solitary confinement.  ( My mind works in mysterious ways!)  How do people survive that? Darkness for 23 hours a day.  No light to read bye.  No one to talk to.  Nothing to do.

For a moment, as I imagined that from my little hour of darkness I knew I would get through, I did not think I’d have the fortitude to survive it.  Then, I remembered the long, sleepless nights with my infants and how I would sing entire scores of Broadway musicals to them until they finally fell asleep.  That’s what I’d do in solitary confinement.  I’d sing every show tune that ever got etched into the caverns of my brain.   It would drive the guards nuts and I’d be free in no time.

Lesson #8 Starting a family was one of the smartest moves I’ve ever made

Although my eldest managed to avoid every powerless night by the kindness of his friends’ parents, the blessing of my family has been repeatedly washing over me.  Thank you, thank you to the powers that be that made me break my teenage vow to NEVER get married and NEVER have kids.  THIS is so much better for me than the alternative and the darkness has once again brought that into the light.

In conclusion, enough with the lessons!  Someone turn on the lights!!!!!!

(and so they did about two hours after writing this)

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Give Up the Masquerade

by lbfcoach on October 18, 2011

*originally broadcast via Laura’s newsletter Living Wisely-OCT 2008

We don’t need Halloween as an excuse to wear a mask or costume. We really do it everyday. We put on the face we want people to see or we choose clothes to fit who we see ourselves as out in the world: businessperson, member of the community, stay-at-home parent, socialite. The masks come in many forms and guises.Even if you consider yourself to be a genuine, down-to-earth person, you may still have a layer that goes on before you face the world. Can you identify it? And is it really necessary?

Is there something wrong with that? I don’t think so; it’s human nature. However, is it a conscious choice to wear that mask? Is it really who you are? Is it really who you want to be?

A lot of energy is wasted holding up a persona or a façade. A lot of energy that could be used for things that matter to you more. In “The Art of Dreaming” Carlos Castaneda says it well: “most of our energy goes to upholding our importance.” We are important, but so is everyone else. It may very well be time to put your real self ahead of your ‘important’ self. Jeffrey did.

Jeffrey had a flashy job with a top-tier ad agency. He was used to the perks that came with working at the upper echelon of the NY advertising industry. What he did not tell most people was that he hated what he had to do on a daily basis and the egos he had to put up with along the way. Little did he realize he was one of those egos too.

Although Jeffrey had misgivings about his job, he behaved like he was living the high life and loved it. He flaunted his top-of-the-line belongings, partied hard and was very attached to his lifestyle. It wasn’t until lay-offs ran rampant in his industry that he had to tell the hard truth about his work.

When Jeffrey found himself out of work and being turned down on job interview after job interview, he turned to coaching to get help. He thought he needed more help with his resume and reconstructing his image to get a job in his old field. Like many people in today’s economy, Jeffrey thought the solution was to keep knocking on all the old doors until one opened. Unfortunately, that is not enough. Jeffrey (like many) needed to take off the mask and ‘get real’. He needed to tell the truth so he could reinvent himself in a way that would get results.

For Jeffrey, taking off the mask meant telling the truth about advertising: he HATED IT!! But that was a frightening thought. He spent years climbing his way to the top and doing anything else would mean starting at the bottom. Not only that, but WHAT would he do?

We dissected what Jeffrey liked about his years in his past profession and writing kept coming to the top of the list. He actually harbored dreams of writing a novel, but hadn’t told many people. “Great, but how is that going to get me anywhere, right now?”, he wondered.

Over the course of the next several months, Jeffrey starting pitching stories to magazines and newspapers and launched his freelance writing career. He wasn’t making enough money in the beginning, so he also took occasional freelance work with advertising agencies. It wasn’t as hateful as he feared it might be since he was now developing his new interests.

Once Jeffrey had given up the masquerade, opportunities started to find him again. He was making a new life, and one, he was truly beginning to enjoy.

If this inspires you to think further about your masquerade think about these questions:

What truth is stuck in my throat that I can now allow myself to say?
What part of me would I be relieved to leave behind?
What would I attempt right now if I knew I could not fail?
What is calling me that I cannot avoid any longer?

Now, take the risk. Give up the masquerade. We can see right through your mask anyway.

As always, your comments and questions are welcome.

*** lbf@intercoach.com ***

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Independence

July 23, 2011

While it’s still the month in which Americans celebrate independence, I was struck by this theme watching my kids this summer. The soon-to-be high school freshman and the almost middle-schooler are taking their conventional steps towards breaking my heart, hmm, I mean, stealing their next notch in their independence. But no ones drives it home [...]

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Bungee Jumping and Other Risky Business

June 9, 2011

Different people tolerate different levels of risk.  Some invest their money conservatively.  Some want high growth despite high risk.  Some people sky dive to feel a thrill. Others find that trying a new food is risk enough.  I had the distinct pleasure of performing as a character I created named Life Coach Lurlene last month. [...]

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I’ve Been Very, Very Quiet

April 28, 2011

Not much blogging from my camp since the start of March.  I had a lot of momentum come up from my King’s Speech post and then I got very, very quiet.  I do that. I get quiet. (believe or not) Especially when I am working on something new and I move from exhilaration to utter [...]

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Find Your Voice; Find Your Way

March 8, 2011

The recent Oscar-winning film The King’s Speech inspired me on so many levels.  It was an amazing story of triumph and friendship. It was a coaching story of sorts and a  piece of history that was awe-inspiring to learn more about since the circumstances are part of what made the world what it is today.  [...]

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